5 Keys to Understanding Why Your Life (probably) Sucks! #3
The outcome of Reason # 2 is that you become your own
worst enemy. That, in turn, leads on to Reason # 3 where
You place more value on doing than being
If you are at war with yourself, chances are you don't
like yourself very much. How many other people who call
you to account, who expect more of you than what you
achieve are on your best friends list? That fact is as
true in your relationship with yourself as it is in your
relationships with other people.
The trouble is, you can distance yourself from others; you
have to live with yourself. So, one of the ways to come
to terms with that reality is to minimise the focus on who
you are (which we have determined you don't really like)
and increase the focus on what you do.
After all, you can't do much about who you are (or at
least so you think) but you can choose what it is you want
to do with your life.
There are lots of people who are playing the same game.
How often after being introduced to someone does the
conversation get around to what you do for a living.
In answer to that question, depending on the situation, I
often answer "breathe".
I get some very strange looks at times! I might then
follow that up with a comment about who I am and how my
understanding of myself finds expression in the type of
work I do. If I meet with a glazed expression from the
other person, (which happens much of the time) invariably
the conversation moves back into 'safe' territory until he
(it's most often men who have that response) can find an
reason to excuse himself and move to someone less
Ever so occasionally If find someone who responds
positively to my little joke and I have developed long and
respected friendships with many of those people.
What happens when someone asks you about your work
situation is they are looking for where to place you in
their hierarchical structure. And chances are, if you are
not where you would like to be in the world of "doing"
you will make your employment out to be more than it really
For example you might say " I work in the movie industry"
when you serve behind the counter at the local video hire
On the other hand you'll find people who will say " I'm
just a ?.." usually followed by 'housewife' or 'mother' or
some equally significant role that forms the very backbone
of our social fabric. Have you noticed though, that many
women are now 'playing the game' and rather than a
'housewife and mother' they have become the 'manager of
domestic affairs for a small business'.
Then, if you are retired, chances, are you are not just
retired, but a "retired accountant" or "bank manager" or
whatever it was you did before you to the point where you
were told you were too old to work
And that, of course, is a large part of the problem. When
your worth is related to what you do, rather than who you
are, it follows that when you no longer do anything (at
least anything considered productive) it follows you are no
longer worth anything.
For someone who achieves their sense of self worth from
doing, retirement or retrenchment is a devastating blow.
Yet no one, at least to my knowledge, in the wisdom that
comes when dying has ever said "I wish I spent more time at
Isn't it interesting that those who are faced with a
shortening of life, function from a totally different
perspective from the rest of us. For those people, it is
in 'being' that they find the meaning to life. It is
relationships they treasure the most.
Perhaps the saddest thing of all is that it often takes
something life a life shortening illness for people to find
true perspective and genuine purpose in life.
Graham Hunt is the founder of Prentis Carpenter Center, an organisation established to resource an environment where those people who chose to do so could discover and work towards their potential. One way in which Graham is doing that is through his website www.higher-self-esteem-site.com/">http://www.higher-self-esteem-site.com/ Drop by anytime.