So people will reject us no matter how good we look, no matter
how successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If we
were to become even nicer, and even more spiritually aware they
would still reject us so it is a pointless battle trying to win
However we can change how we think about rejection. If we change
the meaning of rejection it can become our ally instead of our
enemy. Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedback
instead. That is, your approach did not work and you need to try
a new approach. In sales, the salesperson must view rejection as
feedback or else she will slowly go insane!
So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejected
immediately set your mind the task of intelligently answering
this question - how must I change my approach to get what I want?
By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you can do
and off the other person whose approval is theirs to give or not
Let us take the example of asking someone to help you with a
project at work, you are afraid to ask for help so when you do,
your coworker can almost smell this fear of rejection coming from
you. So he says No, he is far to busy to help you today. Now
immediately ask yourself the feedback reframe question - how must
I change my approach to get what I want?
Asking this question will give you an unlimited range of new
aproaches to use: maybe smile more, or bribe him with a soft
drink, or perhaps offer to do some of his boring work in return
It also helps to anticipate rejection before it has a chance to
happen. In the case of the example above, before talking to the
colleague I would spend a few minutes in preparation running
through possible ways he might reject me. For each possible
situation, just keep asking yourself - how must I change my
approach to get what I want?
You may not realize, most people just give up too easily
because rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe rejection
to mean feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to solve instead.
You will then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer. This
endurance will also encourage others to let you have what you
want because you just do not seem to take No for an answer!
****Warning: maintain rapport at all times when you use this
approach, this new found courage and tenacity is only
appreciated by others if you use it with a win-win outlook.****
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert and published author.
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